Stimulus for Everyone

posted by Nima

April 1, 2009 · Posted in General Economics 

The US faces the most severe crisis in history. Everyone is facing the threat of bankruptcy. If everyone were to go out of business, everyone would lose their jobs. Everyone is too big to fail. It is not just those who are directly employed by everyone, millions of people are contractors and vendors who supply everyone. They, too, would be affected.

Unfortunately the stimulus for everyone faces strong opposition in Congress. Only a few brilliant public figures have realized how severe the situation is:

Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank had the following to say:

“If we don’t help everyone, we will see a disastrous ripple effect that will affect everyone. In a crisis like the current one we cannot afford this.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi:

“Bankruptcy is simply not an option for everyone. It takes way too long to go through the Chapter 11 proceedings for everyone. There is too much at stake here. We’re not just looking at anyone here, we’re talking about everyone!”

President Barack Obama:

“We need a stimulus for everyone. Everyone employs roughly 100% of the American workforce. We can’t afford unemployment to jump up to 100%.”

A businessman from Detroit who sells stuff and is directly affected by everyone’s financial problems:

“Imagine you buy something from everyone and then it breaks. Who’s going to fix it when everyone goes out of business?”

The money for this historic stimulus would of course have to be raised through taxes, levied upon everyone. It is imperative that the government step up to the plate and take money from everyone in order to stimulate everyone, whether everyone likes it or not. Now is really the time for everyone to set aside their selfish greediness and do what is right for everyone.

Thus, this April 1st let’s all get together and stimulate everyone.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Stimulus for Everyone”

  1. C on April 1st, 2009 8:10 am

    loads of fun for everyone. yippee.

  2. Michael Comeau on April 2nd, 2009 9:59 am

    Well done!!!

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